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September Musing from Rebecca Crichton: Taking It Personally
When someone tells me, “Don’t take it personally,” I both bristle and cringe. I feel hurt, dismissed, and chastened. The sibling statement that soon follows, “This isn’t about you,” just makes it worse.
It reminds me of the funny Haikus for Jews that combine Buddhist concepts with Jewish humor, resulting in moments of blinding absurdity/insight. Who knew they went together so well? Comedians, for a start.
I try to rationalize the situation: whatever it is that someone has done or not done that I feel hurt by isn’t just about me. It may not be personal in intention, but the impact lands squarely in my gut before forming its own little storm center in my brain.
A good friend recounted going dancing with friends soon after her divorce was final. She had danced a few times with a man, enjoying the music, movement, minimal interaction, and ease. Returning to her table with a new drink, she was aware that her erstwhile dance partner wasn’t there. She asked his friend where he had gone. “Oh, he left. He wasn’t interested in anybody here…”
Did she take it personally? Absolutely. She expressed feeling dumped. The man’s friend said it wasn’t about her: “How could it be about you? He doesn’t know you at all!”
The story is one many of us can relate to. We have an experience with someone, seemingly out of nowhere, which leaves us feeling uncomfortable and upset.
To restate what we know from psychology, when our inner child is hurt, the wise adult needs to step in for comfort and reassurance. Whether or not we had good models, most of us have positive experiences and sustaining relationships that can remind us of our value. Positive affirmations, despite their New Age connotations, can help. Spoken or written in the present tense, these statements remind us of who we are now and ways we can reaffirm our value. They give us a chance to redefine taking it personally.
The Melody of Life, our What We Learned feature this month by Susan Partnow, is an inspiring and heartfelt reminder of what is most important in our lives.
We return to our Town Hall collaboration with my conversation with Allyson Schrier about new ways of connecting with those who have dementia. Allyson’s work came out of her own experience when her husband was diagnosed with dementia.
September kicks off with many programs for learning, engagement, connection, and discovery. We hope you find a variety of ways to start this season!
Rebecca
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NWCCA’s Collaboration with Town Hall
A New Lens on Dementia Care
Allyson Schrier with Rebecca Crichton
Monday, Sept. 15, 7:30 PM, The Medhi Reading Room, Town Hall Seattle
Allyson Schrier shares her journey from supporting a spouse with dementia to cofounding Zinnia TV—a streaming service delivering research-backed video content for people living with dementia. Allyson shares the personal story behind Zinnia’s creation, and how innovation born from love is helping caregivers and their loved ones around the world.