Our Personal Quotas

by Rebecca Crichton

As a society, we are ambivalent about the concept and practice of setting and following limits. The still dominant belief that nothing should stand in the way of reaching whatever goal we choose—whether through sheer will or by divine right—drives many of us to push, deny, refute, or ignore limitations, whatever those might be.

Recently, I found a quote in my journal and shared it with a group: “I had no idea that getting older was all about Aging!” It was met by instant understanding and laughter. This spontaneous response reveals the uncomfortable recognition that aging means reaching the limitations and finite timelines of our lives. Nobody likes thinking that.

I sometimes joke that when I’m tired, I’ve drained my battery, and a little nap in the afternoon helps it recharge. How long the recharge takes depends on how much I’ve pushed myself. What I resist admitting is that my battery’s capacity has shrunk as I’ve gotten older. I am also being forced to recognize that even things like hanging out with friends can use up some of my energy.

The tension between accepting limits and pushing them is both necessary and present in most of life’s activities. Too much of something can easily wind up leading to the downsides of what we hope to achieve. As much as we may not like to admit that we have boundaries and limits, without them, we put ourselves at risk.

Women often try to match a level of performance and perfection that leaves them exhausted and feeling like failures. The myth of the Super Woman who could do everything— balance a job, the kids, the house, the husband, the social calendar, and still be happy—comes at a high cost.

Three of my friends and I have hired a trainer to come three times a week to work with us in the gym in our apartment complex. We do weight training and practice balance to increase our stability. Over the past year and a half, we have all gotten stronger, more flexible, and have more energy and stamina.

We laugh when our trainer tells us that no matter what we do at our age, we will not get rid of the loose skin under our arms that flaps when we imitate chickens in flight. She is apologetic when she says, “Sorry, Ladies, you’re not going to get that to go away no matter how strong your triceps get.” Another limit to be accepted.

A friend who has Parkinson’s said that sometimes she feels that she has a certain quota of steps that she can take before having to stop and rest. For myself, I have discovered that I have a daily quota of words I can use either in writing or interacting. I don’t know the exact number, but I know I’ve reached it when what I say comes out sounding garbled or downright stupid.

To some extent, aging is about discovering and accepting limitations. Learning to use them to help us appreciate what we can do and what we choose to do, as opposed to assuming that anything is possible, is one of our ongoing life skills.

When we spend time bemoaning what we can’t do anymore, as opposed to figuring out what we can do, we are wasting precious time. Accepting the reality of what we still can do, using that as a foundation, makes our lives easier.